Steve Mooney reflects on leadership lessons learned on the field that later proved crucial on the job and when parenting, gleaned from years of trying, failing, and sometimes succeeding.
May 22, 2025 by Guest Author in Opinion
This post was written by guest author Steve Mooney, a title winner with the Rude Boys and Death or Glory and a current board member for Ultimate Impact
From as far back as I can remember, a precarious balance between confidence and insecurity seesawed back and forth in my head. It wasn’t until I found ultimate did the balance sway in favor of the former. Finally, when playing our sport and striving to be the best at it, I could say to myself, “you’re a winner.” Some people are born thinking this way, born with the swagger of ten. Not me. My confidence was learned, the game of ultimate my teacher.
Prior to finally winning the whole shebang again in 1994 as we had in 1982, and for those twelve years leading up to 1994, Boston Death or Glory lost in the semis and finals of every national championship we played in. Twelve years of futility, matched almost to the day by George Foreman, the boxer, who also suffered a dozen years of “also ran” between titles.
The big difference between Foreman and myself, aside from the obvious fact that I’m not a heavyweight boxer, is that Foreman came out of his lean years not only as a winner once again, but also with a billion-dollar idea in the form of the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine. I have no best-selling product to show for my dozen years of coming in second, and third, and fifth. What I can offer are these reflections on the confidence I gained when playing ultimate, confidence which later proved invaluable in my life.
These ten lessons from Ultimate’s Biggest Loser1 were learned while chasing plastic but also while standing in huddle after huddle, and then later when at work in meeting after meeting.
- Winning isn’t everything, and especially not the only thing. Trying to win is.
I recently found a journal entry from 1983 where I wrote, “If we play well, we will win.” This entry, written after we won Nationals as the Rude Boys in 1982, means this entry marks the beginning of my dozen years of being not quite good enough to win. And yet, during this stretch, I remember thinking after each final crushing defeat, “We’ll be back, and we’ll be better.” When I look back at my playing career, what I’m most proud of aren’t the wins, but the resilience we displayed when bouncing back from the losses to go at it again and again.

- Being persistent is more important than being talented
Too many natural athletes fail to put in the work. As a player of average athletic prowess — you can barely slip a credit card under my feet when I jump — I instinctively knew I had to put in the work, show up early and stay late. Six a.m. practices. Track workouts. On the field, and later in the office, I clocked the hours and did the work. Your team will follow your actions more than your words. Mary and I learned this to be especially true when parenting. There’s a point when your adolescent children stop listening and instead watch everything you do, more inspired by how you overcome the challenges you face than what you’re droning on about.
- Culture trumps talent, every time
As best you can, don’t tolerate bad behavior. Again, hard to accomplish on the field, and hard in life. But when you build a
culture of improvement, of encouragement, of high expectation, good things will happen. This is the hardest lesson to hold on to, especially when faced with talented high-performers who make it their business to piss everybody off. But it is also quite possibly the most impactful lesson should you pull it off. Your team will thank you for it.
- Become an expert
They say you become an expert on a subject when you’ve read ten books on it. When I learned this, I thought about how many subjects I’ve read ten books on, and it’s not all that many. And yet ten is totally doable. Reading offers different perspectives on a problem. Read Isaacson’s book on how Steve Jobs built Apple. Read the seminal book “The Inner Game of Tennis” on how to best manage the negative voice in your head. Listen to the podcast “How I Built This” to learn why Missy Parks founded the company Title IX. These stories ooze confidence to quell your inner demons, while laced with practical advice on how to build your team.
- Leadership is never about you,
but about us. We not me… always. If you find yourself saying “I” when talking to the team or your colleagues, try we instead. The beauty of ultimate is that there’s no running with the disc, no dribbling. You have to pass to score. We not me.
- Sometimes leadership is as simple as raising your hand
Step forward, say yes, and be the first to volunteer to do something. For years in classroom after classroom, I didn’t raise my hand, afraid I’d be wrong and look stupid. But when I first started playing ultimate, I took the initiative to pace off the field and lay out the cones. I was quick to make the phone tree back when telephones had cords and hung on our kitchen walls. I volunteered to host team meetings at my house and stepped forward to run tournaments. The best leaders don’t have to be the smartest people on the team, or the most talented; I was neither. They just have to lead, day in and day out. So surround yourself with great people, step forward, and do the work. Preferably with a smile.
- Everyone’s got an idea
The trick is in listening well enough to know a good idea when you hear it, and then inspiring others to rally around it. Ever been in the huddle when the whole team starts shouting what they think should happen next? What’s important in these moments isn’t picking the best idea, but instead picking a good idea and getting everyone to execute it. I remember Tom Brady talking about this in terms of how to run his offense and thinking, “He’s right.” Just pick a play and go!
- Say it to yourself, over and over again
Something magical happens when we write down what you want to happen, and say it out loud. When you write something down, you commit to a higher level of understanding and accountability. Too many team huddles and corporate meetings are filled with too many words, which become confusing or even contradictory to the people around you. As a managing director at my marketing agency, I often asked the staff to write down their goals and aspirations for the year, and then seal those these an envelope to be opened six months later. I find that when we take time to express your aspirations on paper, more often than not, they come to fruition. I’m also the guy who used to walk up and down Newbury Street smiling while saying out loud, “You’re a winner.” It works.
- Make the call, just make it
Change the offense. Merge the team. Switch the captain. Too often we hedge, or make a safe choice, afraid. No decision is a decision, just not a good one. When you make the hard decision, even the seemingly unpopular or risky one, people will respect you for it. Leadership is less about getting the decision right, than it is about having the nerve to make it. In the last few years leading up to 1994, we let players go, we merged with Earth Atomizer, and we made hard choices, which meant a bunch of players got left behind. These proved to be pivotal decisions to finally end our death spiral. In business, leaders are paid to make decisions. The founder and CEO at the agency where I worked used to say, “You only need to get fifty one percent of your decisions right.”

- Take risks and fail with grace
I’m still haunted by the time our team started a brawl in an effort to intimidate our then nemesis New York, New York. This is the infamous head-butt game, which we lost spectacularly, and in which I played a leading role in failing without grace. Take risks. Try hard. Don’t butt heads.
- And the oldest management edict there is—praise in public, criticize in private.
Why are we so often afraid of giving negative feedback? People want to improve, want to know where they stand. If you’re not playing someone, tell them why. If someone’s proposal is lacking, point out the holes. But don’t do it in front of the group, and have specific examples at the ready. People respond to honest feedback grounded in real situations. It’s hard to argue with the truth.
I found ultimate when I was still a skinny insecure twenty year-old, not yet sure of his footing. I left the game still skinny, but stronger, more confident, and willing to take on more in my life. Of course I secretly wish I too had a billion dollar product named The Steve Mooney Beef-U-Up Belgian Waffle Maker, to show for all those hours on the field. No such luck. Instead, I write this piece grateful for having this chance to reflect on the game which gave me confidence and taught me how to lead. I hope others gain insight from my experience.