Warm Up: The Back Pages

Ultimate is weird. Even at the elite college level. Whenever he saw or heard something noteworthy, Tad Wissel wrote it at the end of his notebook. These are the back pages.

ASU's Nate Bridges and Pitt's Trent Dillon.
Photo by William ‘Brody’ Brotman — UltiPhotos.com

Editor’s Note: This article contains NSFW language.

Over any tournament – especially a three day’er like Warm Up – you’re going to see and hear some strange stuff that’s not necessarily related to Ultimate. When I notice it I usually flip to the back of my notebook and jot it down. These are the back pages.

***

I’m not certain but I’m pretty sure it was Texas who heckling the finals. Gotta give them credit – their heckling game was on point. Florida State was doing a “The legs feed the wolf!” cheer from the sideline before the pull. There are lots of ways you can go with that and the finals hecklers really explored the options. There was “The cheese stands alone” for the kids. Someone took an educational approach with “The krill feeds the whale.” Then there was the more blue collar angle, as someone simply yelled “Penis!” with no regard to the syllabic pacing of the cheer, which was nice and accessible for dudes like me who just like to hear people yell “Penis!” in big crowds.

***

Apparently a Carleton parent/entourage member accosted Florida State coach Peter Van De Burgt after semifinals and was upset with one of DUF’s cheers being inappropriate, (reportedly something about dicks). Keep in mind CUT is wearing cotton t shirts with all kinds of goofy shit written and drawn on them, (like dicks). One dude even had four dicks stacked on top of one another. Artistically dovetailed together and all, but still dicks.

***

Three players from two different teams tried to sell me on the idea that Pacific Rim is a good movie. I wasn’t buying it, but then they distilled the film down to it’s essence; a bunch of huge robots fighting the biggest alien ever.

***

Penn State and Illinois are on double game point on Friday. Penn State pulls and gets a quick turn running zone about 10 yards outside of the Illinois end zone. So the Spank thrower squares up the mark and upon throwing the game winning goal, does the full-on “Are you not entertained?!” bit from Gladiator. Everyone is celebrating, his teammates are trying to high five him – and he just stays in character. He had his arms out like that for a good 30 seconds ignoring everyone. It was awesome.

***

Real talk, I wanted to watch some of the Emerging Powerhouses B team division. I love that shit. I had to get over to Texas A&M and Central Florida to see who would win the pool, so I was only able to watch part of one point. Fortunately it was a good one. UCF B is taking on Miami under the lights and these guys are going hard. A dude gets the dump and is forced flick. He immediately starts pointing for the hammer – CALLING HIS SHOT LIKE BABE RUTH. The thrower delivers the hammer, which… probably hung and helixed back and forth more than he would have liked. A crowd gathers underneath it. One of the defenders jumps up crushes the hammer to the ground, then celebrates over the disc with a move resembling the Mile High Salute that the Denver Broncos used to do in the 90s.

***

Like an idiot rookie, I got involved in a conversation about the cap rules with some parents. Five minutes later there had been no progress, so I pulled the rip cord and got the fuck out of there.

***

Somebody’s Dad lagged a disc back to the line from out of bounds with a crisp backhand during the Georgetown/Florida game. It had some nice zip on it. He represented himself and his kid well. Kind of reminded me of when a fan stabs a one-hop grounder on the first baseline and plays it cool.

***

Friday was the first time I heard someone yell “Dribbling!” after a couple quick give and go passes. I chuckled a little. By Sunday I was ready to climb the scaffolding and punch Charlie in the neck for ever interviewing Frank Huguenard and making “Dribbling!” a thing.

Quotes

“Cherish the disc!” – some young dude

It’s always some young dude saying weird stuff like that. If I was there in any other capacity I would have done the Cherish it! scene from Billy Madison ad nauseam. I might have even grabbed a dude’s face.

“This has to be the most confusing game of the tournament. TUFF… Tufts.” – a Texas TUFF player, who would play in the TUFF/DUF game one round later.

“Yeah, man. Kenny Loggins! You gotta know when to hold ’em… know when to fold ’em!” – a poor, misguided young man during the Wisconsin/Texas game. Kenny Rogers was spinning in his grave.

“Every serious girlfriend I’ve ever had, I’ve peed on her nightstand slash desk.” – a loquacious gentleman proudly told friends while ripping beers during the 7pm game between Pitt and UCF on Friday.

I wanted to talk to that dude, maybe get some quotes or some back story, but it was freezing cold by that point. Think about that Missed Connection potential though…

2/13/2015: You peed on my dresser… and my heart. – w4m – (Tampa)

  1. Tad Wissel
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    Tad Wissel is an Ultiworld reporter.

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