They win a free trip to Greece for finishing first.
March 1, 2016 by Simon Pollock in Opinion with 4 comments
Simon Pollock: For what it’s worth, Scott and Blair are doomed. I’ve got our boys #TeamKrodie reasserting themselves and taking the lead.
Katie: Is that your official guess?
Simon: As official as my non-expert, unresearched, probably wasn’t paying attention to scenes from this season opinion gets. Yes. Roll them dice.
Keith: So I’m vacillating between Scott and Blair, who just seem so incredibly hopeless, and a more bold pick like Cole and Sheri. I’m taking those two, although Sheri showed me a little something last episode.
Daniel: As Simon and Keith point out, Scott and Blair are the easy money choice to finish last. They have been easily the worst team to this point and that is including Kagan and Marty, who were actually eliminated last week. That said, I am going to plant my flag in Pat’s corner and pick Dana and Matt to be the last place finishers for week three. They displayed an embarrassing lack of team chemistry a week ago and very much look to be on the fringe of completely falling apart as racers and, for that matter, a couple. Not sure how a team as squarely on the rocks as they appear to be can continue to put that aside and stay in this Amazing Race.
As for first place, I too see #TeamKrodie winning this leg. I think they follow up a strong week two performance with an even stronger one, ironing out the one or two mistakes that cost them first a week ago to put together a virtually perfect performance this time around. They’re a logical pick, I like them the most, and they’re the only reason I’m watching this godforsaken show.
Simon: I already regret my choice. Matt is dead weight. Scott is dead weight. New team: Dana and Blair.
Daniel: Right from the very beginning, Dana and Matt are at each other’s throats. “Matt, you are going to overthink us to death,” says Dana. “God, you are so stupid,” is her second punch. That is an intriguing combo. And let us not forget that Dana is the one who forced this overthinking stupid person into getting engaged.
Katie: Kurt just smiles and nods grimly while Brodie talks about talking so much.
Simon: Kurt is the directions-guy — I’m sure of it. How else does he make it to all those different cities to play every season?
Katie: More caves for our teams.
Love the subtle tourism board speak — “check out Colombia’s reliable AND SAFE transportation system!”
Simon: ZOMG. A throwing challenge. I hope the models explode.
Katie: Yeah, they’re really set up for success in this one.
Kurt and Brodie are uniquely set up for this challenge – they know how to adjust touch, strength, speed, etc.
Daniel: I am calling bullshit on this weird explosive throwing game being Colombia’s national sport. Every person in the world knows soccer dominates South America. A quick Google search reveals that “football and cycling are the most popular sports in Colombia.” What else has Phil been lying to us about? Can’t trust this guy as far as you can throw him, which I hope is one of the challenges at some point this season.
Keith: Why do people keep citing “wanting to spend more time together” as their incentive for winning? You could do that…you know, without the Amazing Race. Like normal people.
Katie: “JUST LIKE WINNING A NATIONAL USAU CHAMPIONSHIP, EXCEPT MORE NATIONAL COVERAGE!”
Simon: I just snorted.
Katie: “How’s your knee Brodie?”
Simon: I’ll say this. There is so much bullshit to get these episodes started and remind the audience where each team is, there’s actually less material for writing jokes to start this episode. They’ve got to edit all the teams into position.
Katie: True, the actual action is way more interesting, and I feel like they cut a lot of material of some of the teams. Aka where is #TeamAlabama??
Simon: #TeamAlabama is a metaphor. Their place in the race is representative of their state in the hierarchy of states that have it figured out in the US.
Katie: That is… truly moving.
Katie: Dana and Matt doing the bags challenge will destroy their relationship.
Simon: LOOK AT OUR BOY KURT WITH THAT SPANISH. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. THAT SHIT IS RESPECTFUL *AND* EFFECTIVE.
…Nice juxtaposition –the models are screaming, “¡hola¡” as they wave goodbye to the bus driver who gave them instructions…
Katie: He is so clutch with the Spanish. It’s a huge differentiator.
Daniel: For real, Kurt is crushing it in this episode. Is he the strongest individual player in the field so far? The effortless Spanish, the physical prowess, and level headedness have all been huge. It will be interesting to see what happens when the teams leave South America and are in countries where presumably none of them speak the native languages, but right now Kurt and Brodie are proving a dominant force.
Katie: “You’re the guy from YouTube, right??” YES, GET ON MY BUS.
So, Blair and Scott are weirdly genius on this show – with #Besos4Pesos
Katie: The models are winning — cut to many, many men looking on. Many, many men.
So real talk, this challenge looks very hard. They have like an 8 city block radius in which to find one matching bag.
Brodie and Kurt are first! Woooo!!! They’re so happy, it’s cute.
Simon: BOOM. That’s what ultimate players do. Kick everyone else’s ass. That’s the message we want, right? Ultimate is exceptional. It’s better than everything else. We’re better than everyone else. #TreamKrodie4Ever.
Katie: The call, “besos for pesos” starts getting strained and desperate…and Scott gets a brief glimpse into his daughter’s career.
But real talk, the whole Scott and Blair dynamic makes me so uncomfortable. On one hand, Scott’s creepy comments about Blair’s success with “besos” is creepy AF, but on the other hand, how else can he really act when she is putting it all out there?
Keith: I do not really understand this bus challenge but it seems like the crappier one. Why are people getting on the bus? Because they want to go to its destination? Did someone like…pay the busses or something? What the hell?
Simon: Dear Everyone Who Buys A Roughnecks Ticket This Season,
You must scream, “Besos 4 Pesos” at Brodie and Kurt from the stands.
Signed,
Team Ultiworld
Keith: “And you’re the CFO of our company?” Brutal.
Katie: To quote drunk Katie from Friday night, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT BRO”
The Colombian vendors give no fucks.
Daniel: Checking back in on our favorite sweethearts, Dana tells Matt, “Don’t talk to me. Go back into your own world; let me live my life,” as he tries to encourage her while she attempts to finish the handbag challenge.
Dana and Matt finishing the challenge brings up an interesting point though. They’re in fourth place and Dana just made a comment about possibly being in last place. She’s clearly a Negative Nancy at a psychotic level, but that indicates that they were behind the top two finishers. It’s so hard to tell in these episodes how far apart these teams really are from each other. We get the random updates on what place everyone is in, but that’s it. Did #TeamKrodie and Tyler and Korey finish hours ahead of everyone else? How dominant have our boys really been?
Simon: I just vomited on my #Besos4Pesos vomit from earlier when Phil told Matt and Dana to dance at the checkpoint.
Katie: Matt seems like an endless sinkhole for Dana’s rage. Like, he does not get riled up… this could actually work.
Keith: Cute that’s Cole’s mom was happy to see his groundwork. And by cute I mean weird. Parents on this show are weird.
Simon: Wow, the Vine brothers have been edited to only slightly behind, after seemingly failing miserably at Tejo. Meanwhile, an American woman with dyed hair is walking about this plaza whining for someone who speaks English.
Katie: “English? English?” …And we never see [insert name here] again.
Also, Scott once more is glaringly a weak link. “There are tags in here?” … and he gets dumped.
Keith: Just to revisit this, watching these teams ineptly stumble through this bag challenge just indicates how great Kurt’s ability to speak Spanish, and #TeamKrodie’s ability to continuously run, really is. You’d think the Mensa brothers could learn Spanish in a few months though. Or understand a city layout…
The Vine Brothers are just not observant. If they lose for this, it is well deserved.
Simon: I see how this episode works –get the good teams that can speak Spanish, compete well, and follow directions out of the way –then let the extremely inept and emotionally vulnerable teams take over the second half of the episode.
Keith: They are 28 seasons in. It’s like UCF ultimate: the formula is well developed and predictable but very effective.
Katie: This show definitely focuses on the fuck ups, which is why we don’t see a lot of Kurt and Brodie.
Daniel: Damn. That’s the first time we’ve seen teams do each other like that. Everyone else has been so friendly to the other teams. I kind of hate the teams that just did that to them. Although I already hated Blair, but I’m not entirely sure she knew the vendor was right by her either. But definitely forget Rachel. Where’s the Spirit of the Game?
Keith’s Meme of the Week
Keith: LOL DARIUS AND CAMERON DONT EVEN CARE, ZERO COMPETITIVENESS.
Daniel: Phil is absolutely incredulous as Blair and Scott finish not last. “You’re still here…???????????” Hardest I laughed all episode.
For real though, why does the one Benson brother, who watched the other teams show their bags to the girl RIGHT BY THEM, not tell the other Benson brother what to do? Are they not allowed to communicate with each other? So weird.
Simon: So what did we learn this week? Mensa means absolutely nothing in the Amazing Race.
Daniel: The biggest takeaway so far is that it does not really matter how bad the teams are overall. It’s the team that makes the most colossal mental mistake that loses each week and it can seemingly be anyone. Last week Marty and Hagan didn’t take their cab with them — this week the Bensons were horrifically confused by the whole vendor thing.
