Only one injury can be the weirdest.
April 14, 2020 by Patrick Stegemoeller and Tad Wissel in Other with 0 comments
At some point, we’ve all gotten injured because of ultimate. Maybe it was a tough landing on a bid that dislocated your shoulder. Maybe it was not warming up enough and then tweaking your hammy. We’ve all been there. But some of us have certainly been there in much weirder ways than others. The STF weird injury bracket continues this week, with the final round of the oddest and most gruesome ultimate injuries anyone’s ever heard, as submitted by their listeners.
Well, that was emphatic. Lewis Rhine’s Ruptured Kidney and Lacerated Member completed their unfaltering marches into a final showdown by high-stepping through the semifinals. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but neither Kafkaesque body horror of the Disfingerment nor the poetic tragedy of Nationals Broken Ribs stood a chance against the cutting simplicity of a guy bleeding out while watching his team lose or a cleat to the junk.
(Man, imagine reading that paragraph two months ago and learning that it made sense to your future self. Quarantine content, baby!)
On the top half of the bracket, Lewis Rhine’s Ruptured Kidney — suffered after a bid went wrong then proceeding to go wronger over the course of the next 8 months — has triumphed over a foot broken by sock wrestling, a well-known podcaster’s mangled nose, and the Disfingerment without ever capturing less than 60%%%%%%%% of the vote. It was a similar story on the other side of the bracket with Lacerated Member — suffered when a fateful cleat “lacerated” a person’s “member” — slicing up a second-degree burn victim, a guy from Maryland whose back looked pregnant, and the tragic hubris of National Broken Ribs with an average of 68%%%%%%%% of the vote.
Which of these injuries will achieve some semblance of legitimacy by winning this cockamamy bracket? Cast your votes and decide their fate below. Voting for the final is now open through Thursday, April 16th, at 12 PM Eastern.
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